All through the life I live, I learn something new everyday: from the smallest things that seem so trivial to life changing lessons that shape me as a person. I don’t like talking about myself much but today the story I tell you will be about the tough lessons that life has given me, lessons I live by ’till now…
I was born on the eve of my mother’s 25th birthday, my parents told me they were so anxious when i was coming in to their lives since I am the eldest of 4 siblings. For my Parents, I was a lot of their “firsts”. I was born in a hospital in Manila (my mother told me later on that she actually travelled from our hometown to the capital in a car, all that while in labor since her OB was in Manila). I learned my first lesson when i came into the world because I do as all babies biologically do, I learn to Learn.
Fast forward to the year 2004 in our home in San Pablo, Laguna, when I was about three years old. From the words of my mother one could describe the three-year-old me as “Quiet, but was’nt exactly timid”. I was okay with making new friends and was really open to the idea of it but I was the type of kid to keep to their own company at most. Earlier that year my parents decided that I would go to school early, initially I was really giddy at the idea of going to school because I was expecting to find new friends and playmates – but that was only at first. I really hated school back then because other than the fact that I was not used to my mom leaving me alone (yes, I was one of those pre-schoolers that would keep crying once their mom or dad leaves them at school) I could not understand what the other kids were saying. The thing is, being a Filipino kid who’s first language was english, i was left out on most conversational activities that had to do with other kids my age. In those times, the other kids mostly only spoke and understood tagalog and amongst the children i knew I was the only kid in our neighborhood – or family for that matter- that spoke fluent english. It didn’t help that i did not even understand tagalog for the most part. Basically what happened is that the other kids could not understand me and I couldn’t understand them and it resulted in me having second to none playmates, let alone friends. But because of that experience I learned the second lesson i would never forget: “Things will not always go as expected, so you have to learn to live with it and go through with it” or in other words “shut up and suck it up.”
I was the only child for about six years, I remember that back when I was four I was always asking my parents for a sibling because I had no one to play with. A year passed and I did not seem to notice my my wish was coming true. In the August of 2007 my baby sister was born, her name is Jorja. I was really happy that I had a sibling, but being an elder sister wasn’t as easy as I though it would be. After all, living with a sibling that wanted everything you wanted was not so appealing. I love my sister but back then, she would cry relentlessly whenever she couldn’t get what she wanted – which is almost always what I had in my hands. As you would expect I had to give up tons of activities and toys so she could enjoy it. My sister taught me my third lesson, because of her I learned to give way t others more often than i’d like. But in the end it was alright.
The details of the years 2008 to 2010 were really blurry to me but I remember some events that I learned a lot from. One lesson was when I got injured as a result of my own foolish intrepidness when I snagged my finger on an automatic door. That the accident cost me the tip of my right ring finger. From there on out I learned my fourth lesson: being cautious (and staying away from automatic doors). My fifth lesson I learned was when I lost the first singing competition. I remember that I poured my heart into practicing my piece that time and sang with so much emotion at the stage. I also remember being devastated when they announced the winner. Well after a lengthy episode of miserable sobbing I eventually got over it and realized that what matters when it comes to these kinds of things is that I enjoyed fighting the battle, even if I did lose that war.
Soon enough though after that loss my grandmother decided to take me to a workshop for singing, dancing, acting, modeling and the like (this was the time I learned my sixth lesson: the importance of honing the talents that I have). From this workshop, I realized that these kinds of things was not as easy as hey make it out to be In fact, the people who do this for a living work as hard as anyone else, maybe even harder. Nevertheless, I was not discouraged to continue rather I was enjoying it – I was passionate about it. I loved what I did there and I was inspired to do more. With the help of my grandmother I did acting and singing gigs. I distinctly remember having my own portfolio that my grandmother would endorse to others. I was happy all this time because my grandparents and my parents told me they were proud of me doing this. This was the time my self confidence was at its peak, there wasn’t anything I didn’t want to do and there was nothing to be afraid of. To add more, this was also the time I learned Tagalog and gained lots of new friends.
Things were put to an abrupt end though. It was when I was nine, my grandmother and grandfather – who I spent most of my time with back then since my parents were always busy with work- left the country because that and their petition to migrate was finally approved. They were the main reasons I could go to those acting gigs in the first place, so between that and being over-fatigued from not sleeping well because of countless of nights of being an acting extra I didn’t see the point in continuing it anymore. My grandparents left the Philippines on a cold clear night, the whole family stayed up late to see them off at the airport. My mom and aunt were crying the whole time as they hugged my grandparents goodbye but i wasn’t, i just felt really sad. But then as I hear their quiet sniffles I realized for the first time that, even if we could call each other through Skype this was the last time I would be able to see my grandparents in person for a very long time. Then and there I joined in with the hugging and crying as I notice in the back, my little sister, now three, laughing innocently without a care in the world. As we took a picture and said our good byes I learned my seventh lesson, learning how to miss someone you love.
The year 2011 rolled in and I soon discovered that mom was pregnant again, later that year she gave birth to my third sibling – my baby brother named Jien. My sister and I were jumping for joy at the news of a new brother. My brother is a sensitive soul, he acted just like my sister but was way much more of a crybaby than she ever was. He would cry over the little things like kittens, cookies and spilt milk. Because of my little brother I learned sensitivity and caring – my eight lesson of life. Two years after that, though unexpected, my mom had a bun in the oven once again and in early 2013 my youngest brother, Huey, was born. Huey wasn’t like the fist two, while looking like an angel he was the quiet-mischievous type that found joy in making your blood boil. From Huey, I learned (and am continuing to learn) my ninth life lesson: extending your patience (sometimes even to it’s limits).
The same year Huey was born, I graduated elementary with flying colors. I left my grade school as a Valedictorian. I was so happy because my parents told me they were proud of me. I was inspired to work even harder than before. This success opened my eyes to the tenth lesson I learned: tasting the fruit of success after only knowing failure. Though the moment was terribly short lived earning that momentary acknowledgment of my hard work was important to me.
Two months after graduation, I was into the first months of high school, where i knew absolutely no one, like all the other kids. But unlike the other kids, for almost a whole year, i had no one i felt close to and spent most of my time studying only because I had no one to talk to and was not confident enough to do so. This wasn’t the first time in my life I found myself alone, but this was the first time I found myself lonely, thus introducing my eleventh lesson. I learned about shame and fear and insecurities but I didn’t realize it ’till two years later. But returning to the time back then I also learned my twelfth lesson when I won third place at the school’s singing competition in the seventh grade. The first win I ever had at competitive singing, was achieved through the help of people who supported me. After the awarding I went straight to the bathroom after, to change back into my uniform since I still had classes after the competition. As I passed by them, tons of people who i didn’t even remotely know congratulated me and all i could do was give my thanks to them. I was reallly awkward while doing so since i’m really not used to taking to people I didn’t know since the span of time that has passed since my grandparents left. I learned humility and gratitude from those who helped me that time.
The four awkward years of high school went by in a flash and before I knew it , It was the year 2016. This year, I could see was one of the darkest Years of my 17 year old life. Things are getting difficult wherever I went: Home, school, friends, and even myself. Money was getting harder to come by back then and my parents were fighting almost daily, school as it is is always difficult but it didn’t helpThat my circle of friends were on the verge of breaking apart and everything was a mess. I admit, I was the messiest mess of them all because that then it seemed that my life is falling apart and I was scared for the ones I love you these were the times I let myself go with these were also the times I forced myself to learn to how to be strong (my thirteenth lesson)
Near the end of the academic year almost right before the moving up ceremony, my section was practicing relentlessly for our final performance of our final speech for competition together. We were in threat of losing to the other section There were times where our class would break out in a fight because the leaders felt that we weren’t working hard enough. The day of the competition was intense and I was the leader for our signature chant (much proud to say that I composed it too) at the end of the performance. After the whole performance I stood up in front of the stage singing as loud as I can for our chant and I felt the whole auditorium go quiet as I did. A silent and touching sense of pride grew on me in those shorts seven seconds of me singing alone and pouring my heart out for our class. That sense of pride grew larger as a whole section followed right after. the moment was breathtaking as the audience applauded for us as we made our exit. But in the end we still lost the competition. I know it was sad, but our class didn’t even feel the defeat because we knew that we were the people’s winner. I was honestly happy I left a mark on our section and even if we lost, I didn’t really care anymore, in those moments I was happy because at the end I knew that our team work on that final speech choir performance strengthen our bond as a whole class. There I learned my 14 lesson: the value and joy of teamwork.
My first day of senior high was in July of 2017. It felt like a new beginning in the same old place that I used to know. Everything was different but it was the same. I was a new person but not exactly. The things that kept me from hiding inside myself was the familiarity that the place held and the comfort of my old friends. After 2016, my issues were somewhat resolved but never forgotten, just set aside to remind me how lucky I have it today so I would not take tomorrow for granted. If it weren’t for my friends, I wouldn’t have the confidence to talk to anybody new. Even now I still believe this because I still use my friends and family as a pillar for my confidence and emotional strength. The 16th lesson I learned in life is the importance of my friends and family in my life, I wouldn’t be the person I am if it not were for them.
And recently this year I opened up a journal I kept for approximately nine years already (though I failed to mention it earlier) and I read through it. It was so fascinating to see how my mindset had changes every year. I laughed at some entries, some delightful ones that also made me cringe a little. I cried along with some entries, the ones I wrote at my lowest of lows. And I reminisced at almost every entry that I wrote. To be completely honest, when I first got that journal as a gift I decided half way that I would burn it when i’m done with it, but now it seems that I’ve begun to change my mind. Through reading that diary I reflected on my past actions and decisions, through it I learned- well, am learning the value of self reflection, my seventeenth lesson.
Every year passes by and I learn new things, I’ve become strong enough to admit my flaws and improve them the best I can. Every year is different and I hope it would continue to teach me more things because after all, the best teacher you can ever have is experience. For now I still aim to do my best in everything and learn to love myself better so I can love those around me. These are the 17 Lessons life has taught me.
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